This is something I wrote back when I was a senior in high school. My writing was much more vague then than it is now. Enjoy!______________
How interesting my life has been. I have learned so much this past week, its amazing. God is so faithful.
I guess it pretty much all started this time last week. Because our history class was cancelled, Amanda, Amy, Nick, Jared, and I decided to go to the theatre here on campus and worship. I almost wasn’t going to go, but I was convinced. I’m so glad I went. As we were worshipping and praying, God spoke to me about letting go of my desire to get good grades. I know that I’m going to get grades that are okay, I’m just obsessive about getting really good grades. It was the day before a big Nutrition test, which has been my hardest class yet. Anyway, right then and there I decided to hand over my grades completely. I decided I needed to be more concerned about God’s will than getting perfect grades. It really comes down to being worried about what people think if I don’t hold up to the reputation of perfect grades. By the time we all gathered to pray before going to classes (we were sort of spread out during worship), I almost lost it completely I was on the verge of bawling (though Im not sure if any of my friends noticed). It was a convicting time.
Then, Saturday, I had been thinking for awhile about reputation and how I was hanging on to it. (Mind you, I’ve been thinking about this for about a year, realizing that Jesus let go of his reputation at the Cross.) Saturday as I was doing some cleaning, appearing to make a fool of myself, I turned to the person I was working with and jokingly mentioned, “Haha, do you ever wonder what people are talking about as they drive by?” He simply responded, “No.” And then proceeded to ask, “You sure do worry a lot about what other people think, don’t you?”
I wasn’t expecting to hear that. But as I thought about it Saturday, I realized that I was really overly concerned about reputation. I’m not too worried about what people think when it comes to if I do stuff right according to the World’s standards; I’m much more concerned that people may somehow have a reason to doubt the integrity of my character (which, in reality is hardly reflected by grades or cleaning or other things like that).
I tried to put these thoughts off Saturday, and through a couple of humbling experiences Saturday night I continued to realize that this was something I really needed to face head-on and deal with. Sunday morning as I was doing my devotions, I was reading a book and it talked about the cost of following Christ. It said something like, “Anyone whos not willing to forsake home, family, riches, reputation…” I closed the book. No joke. I was so frustrated with myself for not dealing with it that I couldn’t read on.
I had a busy day Sunday, so when prayer came Sunday night I knew I needed to really take care of this. I did. I repented of my stronghold on my good reputation and asked God that He would show me what it means to really be willing to give it up, no matter what the cost. As I was praying about it, I tried to think of how it might apply to my daily life but I couldnt. I suppose that now its just a matter of keeping it in front of me at all times. God is faithful, and I know I’ve learned so much and He will continue to show me how it relates now.
I have a lot more I could say, but alas, this is long and I wont put you through anymore. Yet. Thanks for reading.