Joy in the Morning

“Is there something bothering you? Is everything ok?” my language helper, “Lana,” asked me on Wednesday. “Mmm, no, everything is fine,” I replied in all honesty. I couldn’t identify anything that was bothering me – except the fact that she was so sure that there was something wrong! Lana and I have spend twenty hours a week together for almost two months, so despite my still-limited ability to communicate my heart, we have become close friends. (Lana has much interest in English, but since she knows I’m at the language center to focus only on Arabic, she’s committed to speaking to me – and letting me speak – only in Arabic.)

We went through the usual activities of the session: Lana narrated a short episode of the cartoon “Pingu,” and we listened to her recording together. We then listened to a couple of stories in Arabic. During the 4-hour session we encountered around 35 new words, and I made another recording of Lana explaining each new word. The session was not much different than our normal day together, except that the end she asked again: “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong? I can sense it in my heart. You’re like my daughter. A mother’s heart knows when something is wrong.” I smiled, recognizing that though Lana is only a year older than me, our relationship is probably well-represented by the terms of her description. Like a mother, she nurtures me into Arab life, helping me learn how to understand people, how to talk, and how to behave appropriately.

“Something has been bothering you since last Wednesday,” she said. I was surprised that she could point to a specific date. I thought back to the previous week: Tuesday, the terms for “good deed” and “bad deed” had come up in a story and Lana told about the eternal importance of having more good deeds on your record than bad. “Insha’Allah [God-willing] we will all go to Paradise,” she had said. Her words weighed on me as I considered the reality of our eternal destinies. Wednesday, I had shared with her about how I get up every morning, go out to the balcony, and talk with God. “No… we don’t really say it like that,” she said, correcting my work choice. “Maybe you prayed. Or praised God. But we ‘talk’ to the person next to us – we don’t talk to God the same way.” I shared that, though it sounded strange, I meant to use that word. “I believe that God is close to me,” I said, “and I can talk with Him just like I talk with you.” We moved on to the session. A week later, she was opening up a new door for important conversation.

As Lana asked me what bothered me, I thought that perhaps these conversations had somehow affected my countenance. “I don’t know exactly what it is,” I told Lana. “Maybe there’s something. I will pray and ask God about it.” She seemed satisfied with that answer, and I went home perplexed.

The next morning I woke up more than an hour before my alarm went off. I lay in bed wondering why I was up so early. After about fifteen minutes, I thought I might as well get up rather than just lay there. It was still dark when I went out onto the balcony with my coffee and a blanket. I spread the blanket on the floor and sat on it in the stillness of the pre-dawn, talking to Jesus. As the sky started to grow light, I opened my journal and wrote, Lord, is there something bothering me? It seemed like a strange question, since I hadn’t been able to identify any troubling circumstance (aside from the previous week’s brief conversations).

Within a few minutes, I sensed the whisper of the Holy Spirit: It’s not that there’s something wrong, it’s that there’s something missing. I knew right away what that “something” was – joy. I did a quick search on the Bible app on my tablet and began meditating on scriptures about His joy. As I did, that same joy flooded my heart. “In Your presence is fullness of joy,” I read from Psalm 16. That’s it. That’s what was missing. I’ve enjoyed this time with You each morning, but I’ve forgotten about the joy that is available in Your presence throughout the day. Jesus, remind me to dwell in Your presence today!

Lana and I were together later that morning. I wasn’t sure if I had the words and the ability to communicate what change had happened in my heart – and I wanted to see if she would bring it up again. Towards the end of the session, she leaned back in her chair and said, smiling, “Whatever was wrong left, you’re better today. Do you know what it was?”

I smiled, grateful that she had been able to tell the difference. “Yes,” I told her, “I asked the Lord about it this morning. He told me that it wasn’t that there was something wrong, but that there was something right that was missing – joy.” I wanted to explain that He reminded me that there’s joy in His presence, but I had a hard time negotiating the meaning of the word “presence.” I remembered that I still had one of the passages open on my tablet, so I pulled it out and switched it to the Arabic version I had downloaded, and asked Lana to read it. We found the word I was looking for and I explained. She agreed: “Of course! Wherever God is there is joy.”

We finished the session. I was grateful that the Holy Spirit had spoken to me that morning, and even more grateful that He had helped me to share it with Lana. Joy was stirred again in my heart knowing that dwelling in His presence had made a notable difference in how Lana saw me. May His presence be the distinguishing factor for each of us as we spend time with our neighbors.