If there’s one thing I appreciate about looking back at the things I wrote several years ago, it’s that I don’t write the same way I used to. So, pardon the informality and random nature of this post that I composed almost six years ago. I think you might still enjoy it…
June 5, 2006
I know it’s been quite awhile since I’ve written a blog… it’s not like there hasn’t been anything going on in my life, I just haven’t really been home. I housesat for 2 weeks and have been working the past 3 weeks, so it’s been a busy time. Hopefully things are settling down… haha…
That was a lead in to what this blog would be about. 😉 Yes, it’s been busy. Unfortunately, I keep looking to the future for this relative concept called “extra time.” A month ago, I was confident that this concept would become reality “once school is over.” When I was even busier with work than I was with school, it was “once my graduation open house is over.” After that, it was “once I’m done teaching piano lessons and the recital is over.” After the recital, it’s “once Children’s Church stuff is organized and the outreach Sunday is done.”
I sound like a parrot, seriously. I wish I could have just stepped back and listened to myself. I realize now that this concept of extra time would never become a reality until I made it a reality. Don’t get me wrong, I still had my time with God every morning before work, and plenty of opportunities for prayer and meditation on my mower all day (eight hours of cutting grass is a long time, and leaves lots of time!). Somehow, though, this time just wasn’t as vital as before. I was always saying, “after these activities, I’ll have more time and energy to pursue God even more.”
Not true.
I don’t want to treat my distant future like I’ve treated my near future. I don’t want to say “after the summer” or “after Bible school” or “after I’ve earned enough money.” I want to be living my life to it’s very fullest right now, pursuing God with all I have right now.
Last night and today have been incredible. Of course, when I make changes, God is always faithful. I’m excited to see how He’ll continue to fulfill me as I seek Him. It’s interesting, all I can think of is the song “This is Your Life” – …. “this is your life, is it who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger, and you had everything to lose? … Today is all you’ve got now, and today is all you’ll ever have… Don’t close your eyes…”
One other thing. (Haha, I just spilled chocolate milk all over myself…)
I used to think that it was good to recognize you did something wrong after the fact, but the real issue was recognizing that it was wrong while you were doing it. Well, I’ve now learned that the issue isn’t recognizing that something is wrong, the issue is having the strength to do the right thing.
Really, it’s not hard to know what the right thing to do is. It can be hard to do the right thing.
Quick story: Amanda, Andrew, and I were prayerwalking the other night. This girl crossed our path (while we were totally praying God would help us to see opportunities), and Andrew gave me the look like, “Okay, she’s a girl, go for it, I’ve got your back” and I looked at him, and bit my lip, and walked along, praying (I’m very spiritual you know).
I knew what the right thing was. I just didn’t do it. BUT, praise the LORD there will be other opportunities.